Cut It Off


Pic of the day, part i:  The Lock, by Jean-Honore Fragonard

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A living man can be enslaved and reduced to the historic condition of an object. But if he dies in refusing to be enslaved, he reaffirms the existence of another kind of human nature which refuses to be classified as an object.

Albert Camus, The Failing of Prophesy

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Continued from yesterday…

I went to watch the television but there was nothing on.  Most stations I looked at were commercials. First the Baseball network.  There is some commercial for some bank that wants my fucking money.  “Fuck you!”  I bark at the screen “You can’t fucking have it.  I barely have enough of my own.  Bitches.”  Then I go to turn on a music station, hit the wrong numbers and get a Spanish network.  With a commercial.  At least the people here are annoying in another language.

This is what I get for turning stations before drinking coffee.

Then I decide since I don’t speak the language and I don’t want whatever crap they’re selling, which could be meat, and could be a kitchen appliance, I’m not sure I flip to a third channel. Business news.  That’s usually good for a laugh.  Rich people trying to sound like they are working hard when they wouldn’t know hard work if it bit’em in the ass.

Commercial.  For some stock website.  Sorry, not interested.  I’m poor.  These guys want people with a minimum of $100,000 to invest to come over and try some shit or other out.

I look at the tv and say “How to put this…. oh yeah!  FUCK YOU!  Pretentious pricks.”

Finding it practically impossible to watch this stuff, this constant barrage of bullshit in the morning, I get sick of it and cut it off, turned the damned thing off and for the thousandth time uttered the words “I’m getting rid of this crap.”

I’ve said it every single time I turn on the TV at some point.  It just isn’t worth it.  But I pay for it anyway.

With two remotes in my hand I turn off the cable, and turn the tv to HDMI3.  The little computer that I have connected to the tv is in screen-saver mode.  The weather is going by, screen changing ever 10 seconds or so.  The screen that tells me (in the middle of July BTW) that there has been no snow in the US in the past 24 hours goes by.  I boo.  Underneath the picture of an obviously pristine snow free U.S., I see the words “Current conditions:  85 degrees, partly cloudy.”

Leave it.  Nothing going on there.

I can smell the coffee cooking in the kitchen.  Feels good to have a day to relax, nothing to do.

Rare enough event these days.  I work 3 or 4 days a week, when they ask me to.  I send in resumes to other companies because I am sick and tired of not having a full time job.  I make enough to pay the bills most months, but just barely.  Last month (or was it 2 months ago)  I had a stretch where I didn’t work for two weeks, and it damn near killed me and my wife.

No money coming in is deadly to any family, any person living paycheck to paycheck.  And even though it happened a while ago, the effects still reverberate around the house today.  I’ll have less than 50 bucks in the bank after the rent comes out.  Lucky for me (and unbeknownst to me) I’ve been overpaying one bill, and now I don’t have to pay them this month, or else that +50 would be -100.

It’s circumstances like these that send me job hunting when I have a job.  The one I have isn’t enough.  I need better. I need more.

My wife and I have been living like that for nearly 3 and a half years.  It isn’t easy.  But you get used to scraping by.  $1.99 hot dogs and 50¢ mac and cheese can be your wallet’s best friend come dinner time when there isn’t a lot of cash to buy food.  Not the healthiest, but it fills the stomach and that’s what counts.

We are two people getting by on ½ the food budget we had 4 years ago.  No credit card bills because I went chapter 7 (or was it 11, I forget) bankruptcy. Still barely make enough to make ends meet.  I’d like to get a credit card again, so I can build up my credit.  Can’t, no financial stability to be able to do it.  I’d like to have a 401k, a nestegg, something.  Life insurance would be nice to have JIC something happens to me, but I don’t have the spare cash to afford it.

All these thoughts crowd my head as I walk into the kitchen.  The coffee is done.  The cats however are not pleased.  They don’t know about money, about the things this false evil god of ours does to us, they just want to eat.

So… feed the cats.

To Be Continued…

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Pic of the day, part ii: The Bathers, by Jean-Honore Fragonard

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Every ideology is contrary to human psychology.

Albert Camus, The Rebel

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That’s it from here, America.  G’night.

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