The tall thin well dressed 30 something year old man walked into the small hotel room, bleary eyed, with a suitcase in his hand, and he was just finishing a phone call “Love you too, honey. G’night!” He wiped the smile off of his face, and seemed to exude haste and tension. He said in an exasperated tone to the two men who were seated around the small table at the other end of the room “Someone better give me a good reason why I just traveled four hundred miles at 1:00 am after doing what I just did.”
A shorter ragged looking man in a rumpled suit got up from his seat with a slight grunt and said “Congratulations, Bill! Great win last night, you’ll do your constituents in San Clemente proud… But we have a problem, literally figured it out while you were giving your acceptance speech.”
Bill look at the shorter man squarely, put his right hand on his left shoulder “Talk to me, Al. Who pissed on the Alamo this time?” Al looked at Bill “Nothing that small time. One of your contributors fucked us. Not purposefully we think, but we found out that one of our rich young contributors went well over the line in giving to the campaign.”
Bill sat down on the edge of one of the two beds in the room and put his bag on the bed. “You drag my ass 400 miles out here for that? Don, why are you not handling this?” A rotund bald man who smelled of cigars dressed in all black, breathed heavily and said. “Boss, you are not going to believe this shit. She said she had bundled close to $1,000,000, nearly 1/3rd of all our funds we used to get you elected. We believed her. Every single check that she said that she “bundled” (as he made quotation marks in the air with his fingers) had her name on it. Every one. and a lot of them were for much more than the legal max. And she admitted to us that she didn’t get any money from anyone else, she just wrote us checks.”
Bill looked at Don with a look that was at once exasperated and fearful. He got up, glaring at Don, and said “Are you telling me, that you never thought to check up on this BEFORE YOU LET US TAKE THAT MONEY IN. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!” He had both of his hands around Dons throat, and began shaking him violently before Al pulled him off. The two men struggled momentarily before Bill got control of himself. “I’m alright. I’m alright, Al.”
After a minute, in which Bill paced around the room about fifteen times, he looked at Don again, glowering. “How the monkey fuck did this happen, Don? Were you not paying attention?” Don looked at him levelly and said “Listen, I trusted the people I had under me to do this stuff right. I had a few people who were supposed to make sure things like this didn’t happen. I don’t know who fucked you here, but the four people who were doing this were fired as you were making your acceptance speech, Representative Reade.” He smiled as he said that last bit.
The newly minted Rep. Reade said ‘ So five people got fired for fucking me? Good” Don looked at him and said ” I said four, boss.”
Bill said “Ex-boss, and I was right. It’s five. Your fired Don. Nobody fucks me like that. NOBODY.” He turned and looked at Al and said “OK how do we fix this…”
At that point it was Don’s turn to erupt and interrupt. He said “After all the work I did for you, this is the thanks I get! THIS IS WHAT I GET? YOU WOULD HAVE LOST WITHOUT THAT MONEY, ASSHOLE! ME AND THAT MILLIONAIRE CUNT PULLED YOUR BACON OUT OF THE FUCKING FIRE.”
Bill lost no time in finishing his sentence. He punctuated every word with a jab of his finger into Don’s chest as he said “No Don, my bacon is still in the fire. How the hell are we going to fix this?” Then he had an idea, and grabbed Don by his greasy lapel. “Don, cancel that firing. You’re still with me, but you have to fix this in order to save your career and mine. This is how we’re gonna do this. Get me a complete list of all the small donors who gave.”
Don looked at him, shook his head, and reached for his laptop. He said “Got it boss. And don’t scare me like that again. Me and Al were talking about using the small donor list, and just padding those numbers. It’ll take a lot of work, and it’ll only be little illegal. If we get caught, we’re all doing time. ”
Bill looked astonished ” Don, you never cease to amaze me. That’s what I was just going to suggest. If you were going to do that why didn’t you mention it? As for prison,” …
To be continued.
That’s it from here, America. G’night.