I managed 9 wins ATS last week, with 4 teams on the bye. Sounds good doesn’t it? It’s not so good though, when you have some insanely bad picks mar an otherwise good week. Lots of misses with the O/U, but I was good in spots, and I did manage my first exactly correct pick of the year, nailed the O/U, the winner, and the final score dead on in the Eagles/Bills game. Then again I missed so badly on a few picks I can safely say that I am living up to my WILDLY INACCURATE title that I give to my picks for each week.
Let’s look at last weeks picks, before I do this weeks picks.
Eagles @ Bills. My pick was the Bills and the over. I was exactly right with this pick, down to the final score. I guess the old bazooka joe fortune was right here, “even a broken clock is right twice a day.” This was one of those moments, luck more than anything.
Chiefs @ Colts. My pick was the Chiefs and the under. Chiefs and the over was right.
Cardinals @ Vikings. I took the Cards and the under. Vikes and the under was correct, and this was just a horrendous pick on my part. I had the Cards by 4 TD’s. The Vikes won by over 3 TD’s. Damn You, Adrian Peterson!
Seahawks @Giants. I had the ‘Hawks and the over, which was right. But I also had the Giants still winning. I got the pick right but the Giants lost by 11. Big Blue Suck-Ass Crew showed up for long enough to doom them late against a weak Seahawks team.
Steelers @ Titans. I picked the Titans and the under. Steelers and the over was good for a win here. I was almost as bad here as I was with the Cards pick. Tremendously shitty pick, living up to the whole WILDLY INACCURATE moniker here.
Saints @ Panthers. I took the Saints and the over. Panthers and the over was the way to go here. I thought Saints were gonna steam-roll’em, win by several TD’s. Panthers almost won. Bastards!
Bengals @ Jaguars. I said take the Bengals and the over. Bengals won by 10, got it. Easy win for the best mediocre team in all the land. I keep calling these guys mediocre, and they keep winning. I won’t stop calling them that, let’s see how long they can keep winning and proving me wrong.
Raiders @ Texans. I took the Raiders and the under, and nailed this one, which felt pretty damn good after looking at how badly some of my picks ended up.
Buccaneers @ Niners. I thought the Niners and the under were the pick, and I was right with the Niners, but wrong on the under. I thought it was going to be close. And it was, if you think winning by 45 points is close. Which just means you’re as bad at math as I am at picking winners here.
Chargers @ Broncos. I said take the Chargers and the under, Chargers and the over was right, so I was half right. I nailed the amount of points the Chargers would get, missed by a lot on the Broncos, so I was half right again. I was also half friggin wrong, but I won’t dwell on the negative. Stupid friggin Broncos.
Patriots @ Jets. I took the Pats and the over and was wrong on the Pats but right on the over. I put too much faith in the Pats though, had them winning by 25, when they only won by 9… with a 9.5 point spread. Bastards, could not hit one stinking extra field goal and help a guy out, could they? Dammit!
Packers @ Falcons. I picked the Packers and the over. Pack and the under was right. Green Bay had to fight tooth and nail to get this one, which was close until the 4th quarter. I had the pack running away with it. Umm… Oops?
Bears@ Lions. I thought that the Lions and the over was the right pick. Lions and the over was the big winner here. I had this game being very high scoring. Both teams scored a total of 37 points, which, curiously, was the amount of points I thought the Lions would score on their own.
And now, ON WITH THE INACCURACY!
Panthers @ Falcons: The Falcons are 4 point favorites, the O/U is 50 points. I don’t know about the rest of you, but this Panthers team has played well against several opponents so far this year, surprisingly well despite what is at the moment a horrible record. I think they are going to nail a few good wins down this year, and this is one of them. Take the Panthers and the under. Final score: Panthers 27, Falcons 20.
Colts @ Bengals: The Bengals are 7 point favorites, the O/U is 40½ points. With the exception of their first game against the Texans, the Colts have played their opponents close. The problem is that close is never good enough. That’ll continue with the best mediocre team in the land. Take the Colts and the under. Final score: Bengals 21, Colts 16.
Niners @ Lions: The Lions are 4½ point favorites, the O/U is 46 points. This is a very surprising showdown of first place teams that are both playing very well. The Lions have had some minor hiccups, but never anything they could not come back from. That ends this week, I think the Niners, lead by the strong play Alex Smith (who’d a thunk it?) will hold down the Lions. Take the Niners and the over. Final score: Niners 28, Lions 24.
Rams @ Packers: The Packers are 15 point favorites, the O/U is 47 points. Those Rams. Those poor Rams. They really do deserve better. But they just had their best football week of the year, and it’s all uphill from there. Last week they were on their bye, the one week they were guaranteed not to lose. Pack will roll here. Take the Pack and the under. Final score: Packers 35, Rams 10
Bills @ Giants: The Giants are 3½ point favorites, the O/U is 50 points. The Giants Victor Cruz had a spectacular catch last week, it was a thing of beauty, highlight reel best catch of the year type of catch. They still lost. Moral of the story? Pretty don’t mean a damn thing in the NFL. Giants need more than pretty to win here, and I don’t know that they have it in them. Take the Bills and the over. Final score: Bills 30, Giants 24.
Jags @ Steelers: The Steelers are 12 point favorites, the O/U is 40½ points. I could be a full bottle of scotch into my night, a real truly successful I.Q. reduction program, and I would still not be dumb enough to think the Jags could pull this one off. They’ve got their win for the year, and they are done. Sad really, they do have talent, I have no Idea what has happened to it though, it just doesn’t show up in the final score. Take the Steelers and the under. Final score: Steelers 27, Jags 0.
Eagles @ Redskins: The Eagles are 1½ point favorites, the O/U is 47 points. I am a Giants fan, and knowing the Redskins are in first place, I want them to lose, but the NFL doesn’t operate on the proposition that my wants should be fulfilled. That said, those Redskins seem a tad over-rated, and their offense is less than stellar. I think the Eagles can walk away with the win here. Take the Eagles and the over. Eagles 31, Redskins 17.
Browns @ Raiders: The Raiders are 6½ point favorites, the O/U is 44½ points. Colt McCoy hasn’t been all that bad this year. But the Browns have scored an average of 18½ points a game so far, and you can’t go far with an offense that anemic. The Raiders should get the win here, the Browns are just not as good of a team as the Raiders at any aspect of the game, offense, defense, special teams, coaching, anything. Take the Raiders and the under. Final score: Raiders 27, Browns 9.
Texans @ Ravens: The Ravens are 7½ point favorites, the O/U is 45 points. The Texans beat the Raiders last week everywhere but the scoreboard. The Ravens have played good ball against not very talented offenses all year, they run into their first real test here, and they’ll walk away losers here. Take the Texans and the under. Final score: Texans 20, Ravens 13.
Cowboys @ Patriots: The Pats are 7 point favorites, the O/U is 55½ points. Tom Brady at home is unbeatable, 18-0 in his last 18 home games is the number as I recall it. Tony Romo is a good QB, and has kept every game he’s been in this year close, but that loss to the Lions was telling. They’re good but not playoff caliber good, and that won’t be enough to beat Brady at home. Take the Pats and the over. Final score: Pats 37, Cowboys 27.
Saints @ Bucs: The Saints are 4½ point favorites, the O/U is 49½ points. The Saints played hard but were almost beaten by the Panthers. The Bucs were DOMINATED by the Niners last week, they lost by around a million points. Maybe it felt like it, it should when you lose by more than 6 TD’s. They won’t lose that bad twice in a row, no one is THAT bad, but the Bucs won’t be able to handle Brees and Co. Take the Saints and the over. Final score: Saints 34, Bucs 20.
Vikings @ Bears: The Bears are 3 point favorites, the O/U is 41½ points. The Bears are just a better team than the Vikes. Donanvan McNabb has been horrible, if it weren’t for Adrian Peterson, the Vikes wouldn’t be able to score at all. The Bears aren’t great, but they can move the ball more reliably than the Vikes can, and they’ll win this one. Take the Bears and the under. Final score: Bears 17, Vikings 6.
Dolphins @ Jets: The Jets are 7 point favorites, the O/U is 42½ points. Chad Henne is done for the year in Fin country, and the offense has only generated 6 TD’s over 4 games this year. No wonder Brandon Marshall is threatening to get his ass tossed from the game. He knows the ship is sinking, and he wants off. I don’t blame him. Jets suck, but Fins suck worse. Jets win easy here. Take the Jets and the under. Final score: Jets 20, Dolphins 7.
That’s it from here, America. G’night.