WILDLY INACCURATE Week 5 NFL Picks


9-7? Again? It seems that I, like clockwork, do moderately average on my picks. A few dead on, a few so-so, and one or two really really bad.  Not that I mind being really really bad with my picks, the title of my pick section would be truly meaningless with out at least a few fuck-ups, right?

Right?

Before I go over this weeks picks lemme tell ya how I did last week in a little more detail.

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I picked the Bears and the under against the Panthers, Bears and the over was the correct pick.

I went with the Bills and the over against the Bengals, Bengals and the under was the right pick.

I picked the Titans and the under against the Browns, Titans and the over was the right pick.

I took the Lions and the over against the Cowboys, Lions and the over was in fact correct.  Nice.

I picked the Vikings and the under against the Chiefs, Chiefs and the under was right.

I picked the Redskins and the under vs. the Rams, Skins and the under was right.

I picked the Niners and the over against the Eagles, Niners and the over was correct.

I picked the Saints and the over against the Jaguars, Saints and the under hit this game.

I took the Steelers and the over vs. the Texans, Pittsburgh never showed up, Texans and the under was the pick.

I went with the Giants and the under, Giants and the over was the winner.

I picked the Falcons and the under against the Seahawks, ‘Hawks and the over was the pick.

In the worst pick of the week, I took the Broncos and the under vs. the Packers.  The Pack slaughtered’em.  Pack and the over was the pick.

In the second worst pick of the week, I took the Raiders and the over against the Pats. DUH.  Pats and the under (the O/U was 55) was the gimme pick here.

I picked the Chargers and the under vs. the Dolphins, Chargers and the under was in fact the pick.

In my best pick of the week, I took the Ravens and the over against the Jets.  Ravens pounded them into the dirt.  Ravens and the over was the winner here.

I took the Colts and the over vs. The Buccaneers, Colts and the under was the right one here.

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Eagles @ Bills.  Just because the Bills overlooked the Bengals last week does not mean they’ll do the same with the Eagles.  Philly’s the 2½ point fav on the road, and the O/U is 49½.  Take the Bills and the over.  Bills 31, Eagles 24.

Chiefs @ Colts.  Someone has to win, right?  Not necessarily.  Who loses? Who cares!  Colts are 2½ point favs at home and the O/U is 38½.  Take the Chiefs and the under.  Chiefs 17, Colts 15.

Cardinals @ Vikings.  Heard someone say something about using the Backup qb in Minne.  I thought they already were.  The Vikings are 2½ point favorites, and the O/U is 45.  Take the Cards and the under.  Cards 31, Vikes 3.

Seahawks @Giants.  Eli seems to have gotten better at throwing the ball to his own teammates.  I’m not convinced it’ll stay that way, I’ve seen him fuck up too many times to begin trusting him just yet.  Giants are 10 point favs, the O/U is 43.  Take the ‘Hawks and the over.  Giants 27, ‘Hawks 24.

Steelers @ Titans.  Fuck the Steelers looked like hell last week.  I could’ve gotten a few first downs against them last week.  They’ll come out steaming mad this week.  Might not do them much good.  Mad is nice, but it doesn’t always work.  Steelers are 3½ point favorites, the O/U is 40.  Take the Titans and the under.  Titans 21, Steelers 14.

Saints @ Panthers.  Panthers ain’t too bad, but they aren’t good enough either.  Without the Newton to Smith combo, this team would not win a game all year. Hell, they may have won all the games they are gonna this year.  Saints are 6 point favorites here, the O/U is 52.  Take the Saints and the over.  Saints 41, Panthers 17.

Bengals @ Jaguars.  Are the Bengals a serious contender?  SURE! They’re contending for the most mediocre .500 team in the NFL.  They’ll get off of that this week, and become the most mediocre 3-2 team in the league.  The Jags are 2½ point favs at home.  The O/U is 37.  Take the Bengals and the over.  Bengals 27, Jaguars 14.

Raiders @ Texans.  Texans ran like crazy last week.  Steelers tried to run on them, and failed.  The Raiders have a much better run game than do the Steelers though.  They’ll succeed where the Steelers failed.  Texans’ll miss Andre Johnson as well, and Foster can’t run every down.    Texans are 6 point faves here, and the O/U is 48½.  Take the Raiders and the under.  Raiders 27, Texans 24.

Buccaneers @ Niners.  Freeman is not the same QB he was last year for the Bucs.  Not by a long shot.  Unfortunately for the Niners, Alex Smith IS the same QB he was last year for the Niners.  Still a bad Alex Smith is slightly better than a horrible Josh Freeman.  Niners are 3 point favorites, and the O/U is 41.  Take the Niners and the under.  Niners 21, Bucs 17.

Chargers @ Broncos.  Feh.  Feh to the whole Broncos team, I say.  Bring back Elway.  The Chargers are 4 point road faves here, and the O/U is 46½.  Take the Chargers and the under.  Chargers 27, Broncos 12.

Patriots @ Jets.  Mark Sanchez has tire tracks on his back after the Ravens ran him over last week. He’s still shell shocked.  Pats in a romp.  The Pats are 9.5 point favorites, and the O/U is 49½ points.  Take the Pats and the over.  Patriots 42, Jets 17.

Packers @ Falcons. The Falcons are disappointing this year. Suck is a word that comes to mind.  Not making the playoffs is a group of words that comes to mind about them.  The Pack have the best offense in the league not led by a guy named Brady, and may be headed for best O in the league, period.  The Packers are 5½ point faves, the O/U is 53.  Take the Packers and the over.  Packers 38, Falcons 24.

Bears@ Lions.  Lions 4-0? How the hell did that happen?  I’ll tell ya.  A very talented offense that has finally taken root after years of frustration, and of course a boy named Suh on defense.  The Bears aren’t slouches by any stretch of the imagination, and the Lions have had to pull wins out of their asses after being down big at the half the last 2 weeks.  Won’t happen a 3rd time.  The Lions are 6 point favorites, and the O/U is 48.  Take the Lions and the over.  Lions 37, Bears 30.

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That’s it from here, America.  G’night.

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