HOLY S*** IT’S FOOTBALL!
And just in time for the upcoming NFL season, here are this years WILDLY INACCURATE picks for this season!
New England Patriots 13-3
New York Jets 8-8
Miami Dolphins 6-10
Buffalo Bills 4-12
The New England Patriots are going to run away with the East here. In other news, the sun is hot. Srsly though, the real story with this division will not so much be continued dominance of the Pats but the mediocrity of the Jets. The Jets have bolstered their receiver core, picking up a has been and an almost was, and losing their starting left defensive end to the rival Patriots.
The receivers the Jets picked up have made their receiver core almost as good as the Dolphins receiver core, which was bolstered by NOT picking up either a has been or an almost was. The loss of DE Shaun Ellis will leave them less able to play the strong defense that has gotten them the limited success they have had during the Ryan era.
And I have news for you Jets fans. Sanchez is not that good of a quarterback, getting him (marginally) better receivers will not make him better, it will show that the Jets have made a series of bad decisions on the offensive side of the ball. And they should start LT, not Greene.
We really don’t need to discuss the Fins or the Bills, neither team will threaten to get close to .500 even in the best of scenarios. The Bills won’t win a game after November 1st.
Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4
Baltimore Ravens 11-5
Cleveland Browns 5-11
Cincinnati Bengals 3-13
The Ravens will, like last year, play it close, play the division tough, and lose the division to the Steelers. The Bengals are a joke, and without Peyton Hillis the Browns are fighting the Bengals for the first overall pick in next years draft.
The Ravens O is going to be good this year, not great, but good, and that is the problem with this team. The defense is rock solid, as always, special teams is top notch, and they lose because the offense can’t keep up. Their idea of improving their offense was to pick up Lee Evans, a man who has averaged less than 3 catches a game over the last 2 years. Not what I’d call a difference maker there. Methinks the Steelers could contend for the Super-Bowl this year.
Cincinnati really needs to explain why they have done nothing to improve this team. So do the Browns, but the fact that with Carson Palmer walking away in his prime because he was disgusted with the team, and the incredible lack of success they’ve had, they’ve still done NOTHING to improve the team speaks volumes to the mishandling of football in Cincinnati.
And unless Colt McCoy is the second coming of Johnny Unitas, the Browns are done as well. And I’m not expecting Johnny U to show up there anytime soon.
Indianapolis Colts 10-6
Houston Texans 9-7
Jacksonville Jaguars 7-9
Tennessee Titans 5-11
Peyton Manning is most likely not going to start game one this year. The health of Manning is the big question mark in the AFC south this year. I expect him to play through, he’s one tough sonofabitch, but even tough S.O.B.’s come to earth, he’s going to have to eventually, and I think this year is that year for Peyton. He’ll still squeak through and get the division for the Colts, but the talent in Houston is going to catch up with him.
And when I say talent in Houston, I mean Arian Foster. That young man is going to run over the league this year. He’s the RB most likely to get 2,000 yards rushing this year. Playoffs? #6 seed, and lose to the Chargers in the first round.
Tennessee is an average team that is going to fall well short (they’ll go 0 for October), almost the same as Jacksonville (who’ll win 2 games from 10/1 to 11/31). Garrard is a so-so talent, the AFC’s version of Eli Manning, the turnover machine. Hasselback will be able to do more with the Titans after he gets a year under his belt, he’s too new to the system to have much success with the mediocre talent he’s been given here.
San Diego Chargers 10-6
Oakland Raiders 9-7
Kansas City Chiefs 8-8
Denver Broncos 4-12
I’d like to say this division is Philip Rivers’ division to lose, but it isn’t. Kansas City will lose because they’ll play the Raiders the same way they did last year, badly. The Raiders will lose because they aren’t quite there yet, and Jason Campbell is good but not good enough to lead them to anywhere but mediocrity, And Denver misses John Elway and Mike Shanahan… and a running back that can run for 1,000 yards and get into the end zone in double digits.
Kevin Boss is a BIG addition to the Raiders O, but 6’6 and 250 won’t help them take the division from San Diego. The Bolts have an average running game, but Rivers and Co. will have just enough to take the division, with a little help from their frenemies.
Philadelphia Eagles 12-4
Dallas Cowboys 9-7
New York Giants 8-8
Washington Redskins 4-12
It kills me to say this, absolutely kills me. I am a lifelong Giants fan. The Eagles are a better team than the Giants are right now. So are the Cowboys (cringe.) Why? Simple.
The Giants could walk away with this division if they get a hold of turnovers, but until Eli Manning, who has shown little in the way of progress as far as curtailing his turnovers, turns the corner and limits the fumbles and INT’s, the Giants will languish near .500. I’m thinking 3 wins after the bye.
A simple thought.
THROW IT TO THE GUYS WITH THE WHITE NY ON THE BLUE HELMETS.
Simple enough, right? And yet he’s turned over the ball a total of 52 times over the last 2 years, and that isn’t counting fumbles he and his teammates got back after he fumbled. Enough to make ya sick…. and he thinks he’s in Tom Brady’s class of QB. No. Just No. Not until he fixes this.
The Cowboys were a strong team at the end of last year, and it was only because of a horrible beginning to 2010 that they didn’t make the playoffs. I expect them to play strong throughout the year this year.
If it weren’t for Moss and Hightower, the Redskins would have no talent to speak of at all.
Green Bay Packers 12-4
Chicago Bears 9-7
Detroit Lions 8-8
Minnesota Vikings 4-12
McNabb will need time to work things out with the talent he has around him in Minne. The D wont hold their end down, just like last year and they lose one more game this year than last as a result. Bears are a very good team. Very good. Could have played in the Super Bowl last year. Green Bay will go far this year.
The story here is the Lions. Stafford, should he remain healthy, and I think he will, should make a TON of noise up in Detroit, Rock City, with the plethora of weapons he has available to him. Brandon Pettigrew should have a 1,000 yard 10 TD receiving year this year, and Calvin Johnson should have a career year.
And if either the Pack or the Bears have a serious step down, some injuries to important people, do not be surprised if the Lions make the postseason.
WAIT… I just said the Lions might go to the postseason… MAN … that is putting the wild in WILDLY INACCURATE.
Atlanta Falcons 13-3
New Orleans Saints 10 -6
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7
Carolina Panthers 3-13
Bucs might well be a better than 9-7 team, but I don’t expect Josh Freeman to be able to duplicate his 25 TD-6 INT performance from last year. That does not mean that I think the Bucs are a mediocre team. They aren’t. But with the Falcons and the Saints, two teams that could both contend for the NFC Championship in their division, someone’s gonna get lost in the shuffle, and that someone is the Bucs.
The Saints look to me like a team that will have problems early on this year. They may well come out the gate 0-3. losing to the Pack on the road, and the Bears and Texans at home, before righting the ship, and that early bad start should keep them from the division title.
The Panthers… forget the panthers, without Steve Smith and DeAngelo Williams , these guys are a potential 0-16 team, and I’m being nice by giving them 3 wins here.
Falcons are the class of the division, and Michael Turner will have an MVP caliber campaign this year.
St. Louis Rams 10-6
Seattle Seahawks 8-8
Arizona Cardinals 7-9
San Francisco 49ers 6-10
The division that made us all cringe last year will in fact improve on their cringe-worthy performance from last season. The Rams receivers will play well above their heads and lead this team to an easy win over the Seahawks and the other also-rans. The Cards will surprise early this year and come out of the gate strong before falling off hard in October and November.
Seattle won’t fall hard, but win streaks will be hard to come by, especially with Tavaris Jackson at the helm. You can surround a crappy QB with great receivers and make him less crappy, but it won’t make him great, and it will lessen the talent of those wide receivers, simply being in the presence of that crap. Sidney Rice and Mike Williams will suffer for the lack of talent at the QB position.
And San Francisco is… well … San Fran. Frank Gore running like crazy, doing all the scoring, and Alex Smith, still inexplicably the QB in 49er land, will get his ass handed to him, thanks to a sub-par line in front of him.
That’s it from here, America. G’night.