I <3 The Apocalypse


WOOOOO!!!!! PARTAAAAAAAAAAY!

Well, earthquakes were supposed to rip across the planet, waking the dead, sending the elect straight to heaven, and leaving the rest of us poor bastards here on earth. Twas supposed to be the apocalypse!   Well, there were a few earthquakes.  One near Honshu, Japan, a 5.8 on the Richter scale.  One near New Zealand, a 6.1, and another one, a 5.0 earthquake, happened about 800 miles off of the Azores archipelago in the Atlantic.  And there was a  major eruption of a volcano on Iceland.

One wonders… was Camping right?  Was he only off on one detail, that the elect would go to heaven?  Or did he goof up by being too much of an optimist, by thinking there is ANYONE on this clearly god-forsaken planet who would actually be taken directly to heaven?  Maybe the elect would have been taken, but there wasn’t anyone good enough to actually go?

Nah…

It was a good joke for a minute.  Everything this afternoon was good for a “Oh screw it, it’s the end of the world” line.  Run today? On the last day EVER?  No way! The race is over, babe! I won, gonna rest and eat like a pig on Apocalypse Saturday, which one presumes will turn into a liquid saturday for everyone who took this crap serious.  Trust me on this one, those poor sods need a drink at this point.  If you see some poor bastard at a bar looking like he’s bummed, carrying an “I ❤ the Apocalypse” shirt, buy him a beer, he prolly needs one.

Gotta tell ya though, I wouldn’t mind having one of those “I ❤ the Apocalypse” shirts.  There’s an I don’t give a damn fashion statement that fits any occasion!  If you see one, send it to me!

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David Letterman – Top Ten Ways To Make the  Apocalypse more fun!

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Wild, dark times are rumbling toward us, and the prophet who wishes to write a new apocalypse will have to invent entirely new beasts, and beasts so terrible that the ancient animal symbols of Saint John will seem like cooing doves and cupids in comp.

Heinrich Henne

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Now that we have the bullshitocalypse out of the way, I feel cleansed.   Srsly.  There aren’t any more earthquakes happening today than normal, and they are happening in places where there are usually lots of temblors anyway.

The dead didn’t rise from their graves, the elect weren’t taken directly to heaven.  The CDC did put out a warning about the “Zombie apocalypse” though.  Mind you it was more to draw attention to actual disaster preparedness.  They got 10 times the hits on their website due to the Zombie thing than they normally do, so ya know, i’m happy to see the CDC do this.

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One last thought.  Harold Camping, the man behind the moron-athon that was the bullshitocalypse, looks like the biggest idiot on earth right now.  Before all he did was talk to a few of his closest allies and a few radio listeners the last time he predicted this weak-kneed crap.  With all the hype this got this time around, world-wide, he needed the world to end, to cover his ass, just to not look like a complete imbecile.

Can’t say it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, in that sarcastic way of mine though.  Never met the man. maybe he’s a nice guy, who is just a little delusional.

OK, A lot delusional.

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That’s it from here, America!  G’night!

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