Sometimes Your Brother Mike Sucks


I can be a  little slow on the uptick, sometimes.  It happens to all of us.

I have been meaning to call my older brother, who seems to have had a rough time of it of late.  And of course when I say “meaning to”, I mean I actively think about it when there is no chance in hell of me actually making the call, but when I am within reach of a phone for some reason it just hasn’t happened.  I am now within reach of a phone, and am thinking about it, and do you know something? I just realized that about the only place that I would have that number is on my cell phone.  The problem with that is that the phone is semi-new (even though I broke the screen, it is still newish) I don’t have the number on it, because i never programmed it in.

Holy shit, I can be a putz some days. My wife has the number… but it being after 9:30pm, and with me going to bed in a few, I’m not sure it’s the best time to call him.  He works an awful lot, and I don’t want to take away his few precious moments with his wife and kids, when he can decompress after stressing at work all day.  I’ll call him tomorrow.  I mean it.

Srsly.

But just in case I am still a putz tomorrow, and don’t, we can call this an open letter to him.

____________________________

To: Dude

From: Dude

RE:  Sup!

DUDE!

SUP?

I hear the job is kicking yer ass.  I know how it can be.  Remember I used to be a hard working guy once myself, even though I have never been in quite as high and important a position as you have held.  I remember the daily headaches, the days that never seem to end, the worrying about walking the tightrope.  Again not to the extent you’ve had to, but I know something about it.

I want to help you.  I want to give you advice, I want to be an ear to hear all your problems and worries and concerns, and I will be.   But I have questions.

Is there any way to just avoid the stress? Just drop some of the worry on someone other person?  Is micro management the way you do things?

Is that the right way to go if you do?  Have you tried finding some outlet for your stress?

Ya know, some place outside of work where you can concentrate all of your energies, something that you can look forward to doing when you get out of that goddamn office?

Ya know, working on the car, working out, making beer, Chainsaw juggling after drinking large quantities of Jack Daniels, watching and re-watching and re-watching and re-watching the scene in the shining where Jack’s wife Wendy finds that he’s been writing “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” over and over and over and over and over and OVER AND OVER… or… umm… dwarf tossing…

Something.

lulz   🙂

Is it possible that you are taking your crazy job, and this twisted life just a little too serious?  Repeat after me.

IF THE BASTARDS STRESS ME ONE FUCKING IOTA I WILL TELL THEM IN MY MIND TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES, AND REPEATEDLY KICK THEM SCRAW IN THE NUTS AND GIGGLE WHILE THEY CRY.  WHY? FUCK’EM THAT’S WHY!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhh…

Doesn’t that just feel better?

And remember, beer is not the answer.  Not without tequila it isn’t.  Go to sleep.

With love,

Your younger brother, the dick.

_______________________________

BTW I’m working full time in the old neighborhood, 48th and park.  I’ll tell you about it when I finally get to calling you, which I promise I will.  Sometimes your brother Mike sucks, but not all the time.  I’ll speak to you soon.  My promise.  Never break a promise.

_______________________________

If the boss is stressing you, play this song in your head until he explodes.  If he does not explode, add explosives.

_______________________________

That’s all from here, America.  Go snooze, tomorrow’s a big day.

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