Best Political Jokes of the Year So Far


Runner up, best political joke of the year: Donald Trump. The guy is an absolute hoot. Hate him or like him, you have to admit the guy is an attention getter, and he is funny to me. Maybe there are people who take him serious, but when you repeatedly speak to the birther myth as if it is based in fact, then say that you are friends with “The blacks”, and then you look at the ratings of his show, which are in the tank, you can see exactly what the ranting and headline grabbing is really about.

It’s all about the apprentice jumping the shark, and “The donald” using politics to gain some focus back on him, and his sagging ratings for his shitty show. A real run for president, which some people actually talk about, would probably be accompanied by sane views, wisdom, sagacity, and as little actual stupid bullshit as is humanly possible. The donald is missing on all counts.

The dumbass makes Glenn Beck look rational, and that is zarking difficult to do. But it is incredibly funny to listen to him flounder for attention, but there is even more pathetic and funnier than the donald and his hairpiece.

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Viddy of the day: Stephen Colbert on Kyl’s ‘not a factual statement’ – Last Word

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Best joke of the year: NOT INTENDED TO BE A FACTUAL STATEMENT. The…THE best idiot line in recent memory, and that is a difficult thing to do in a nation of political idiots, and to understand why, you need to understand the context of the statement. Jon Kyl, a conservative Senator from the state of incomprehensible bullshit, told a major lie on the floor of the Senate. He said that Planned parenthood used 90% of it’s budget for abortions. 90%, that’s an awful lot isn’t it? Well, there was only one problem with the statement. It is patently false. The actual number is 3%, an 87 percent miss by the senator. It necessitated a statement where the now infamous “NOT INTENDED TO BE A FACTUAL STATEMENT” was uttered.

it brought about a SLEW of funny retorts, most notably by Stephen Colbert on twitter using the hashtag #notintendedtobeafactualstatement. A few examples follow:

Jon Kyl holds the Guinness World Record for “Largest Collection of Penis Enlargers.”

Jon Kyl let a game-winning ground ball roll through his legs in Game 6 of the ’86 World Series.

Everything you would only do in the privacy of your own home, Jon Kyl prefers to do on a subway car.

Jon Kyl thinks no one can see him when he puts a paper bag on his head.

Jon Kyl’s torso is covered in superfluous nipples.

For the past ten years, Jon Kyl has been two children in a very convincing Jon Kyl suit.

And the press has eaten this, and hundreds of other such statements up, because it is so damn funny. The press may be filled with self obsessed assholes, but they know a good joke when they hear it, and Jon Kyl has become one.

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Now, you and I know that this never would have happened had the senator from incomprehensible bullshit simply told the truth, if he had simply stayed in the real world, but he couldn’t, and now we get to, for the rest of his career, get to bash the hell out of him for his stupid bullshit by making up the most insanely funny abusive stuff about him, for his blatant lies and his covering it up with so stupid a line.

What a dick!

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Other funny lines that could at least raise a giggle:

President Obama has finally thrown his turban in the ring for his run for re-election in 2012. ~ unknown

Because of a holiday, the deadline for taxes is April 18, so you have three extra days to dig through restaurant dumpsters for receipts. ~ Jimmy Kimmel

Moammar Gadhafi gave a rambling speech that lasted nearly three hours. So now we know where all of Charlie Sheen’s cocaine went. ~ Conan O’Brien

The Pentagon held a press-conference about the military operation in Libya. They are calling it Odyssey Dawn. I believe it’s the first military operation named after a stripper.” ~ David Letterman

You saw the big controversy with Michele Bachmann. She did not look directly into the camera, which made it harder for the teabaggers to masturbate. ~ Bill Maher

Why is it no human being can withstand more than two years as a presidential press secretary? There must be an organ somewhere in the body that can only filter two years worth of heavy duty bullsh*t.” ~ Jon Stewart

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I just wanted to have a bit of fun tonight, and toss out some politics. I like it. Hopefully I spelled enough words right for most of this crap to make some kind of sense.

That’s it from here, America. Go to sleep.

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