You Are A Horrible, Evil Person, That’s Why I Love You


Sometimes I am sure that I come off as both arrogant and bombastic … in large part because I am arrogant and bombastic, but also to cover up those lingering doubts that, I, like any intelligent adult has, about the world outside the realm of their personal influence.  And so, to show another side of the person behind the Rhino persona, I’d like to put out there, just for the sake of doing it, ideas that I am not at all certain of, which some people might believe in, but which I cannot speak on with either arrogance, bombast, or any amount of swagger. 

Because they are just plain wrong. So here they are, statements that are at best dubious, stupid, and hopefully in some small way, funny:

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I know everything about everything.  So do you, no matter how much we disagree.   There. NOW we can be happily full of shit in perpetuity without anything to be worried about, like possibly ever being wrong, about anything.

The Republicans care about the common man and want to do their best for the poor.

The Democrats have all their ducks in a row and walk in lockstep on every issue.

The common man, the average voter, really knows about all the issues that they need to know about.

The best way to make friends with an evangelist is to tell them you worship the devil.  While wearing red make-up all over your face.  And devil horns.  Completely naked.  Through a megaphone.  While carrying a loaded shotgun.  Foaming at the mouth.

Fox news is fair and balanced.  So is MSNBC.  So am I.

President Obama has the trust of the people because the media loves him sooo much.

There are no people in America who dislike the President because he is half black.

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Our nada who art in nada, nada be thy name thy kingdom nada thy will be nada in nada as it is in nada. Give us this nada our daily nada and nada us our nada as we nada our nadas and nada us not into nada but deliver us from nada; pues nada. Hail nothing full of nothing, nothing is with thee.

Ernest Hemingway, A Clean, Well Lighted Place

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Viddy of the day. I’ve posted this song on other posts.  It is a calm, peaceful, beautiful song, befitting such a relaxed happy little article.  This song is about you, America.  Feel the love.

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No one thinks of the President as half black.  They think of him as just another white guy with a really dark tan.  Like John Boehner.

No one cares about that middle name of his.  It’s… what again?  Kennedy?  Hamlet?  Archduke Ferdinand?

Sex sucks. Money sucks.  Love sucks.  Vacuums…. well… blow.

The economy is in good hands.  I heart Ben Bernanke.  And the new Republican majority in the house.  Nothing but good news economically from these two sources. 

Rush Limbaugh is the most rational human being ever to exist on the face of the earth.  With Glenn Beck coming a close second.

Glenn Beck is mexican, and he is here legally.  That’s why he’s so pissed.

The tea party is committed to the betterment of America.

All democrats are Socialists.  All republicans are Fascists.  All independents are gibbering idiots with delusions of gender.  Strong enough for a man, but made for a blow up doll.

I said that last bit out loud, laughed, and my cat barfed… and that’s why it stays …I’m gonna take a second to clean the carpet.  🙂

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Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.

Robert Heinlein, The Cat Who Walks Through Walls

You Are Here.

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All the problems you have, have one common denominator.  You. Maybe if you didn’t suck so much, life wouldn’t suck so much.

OK, with that in mind, what’s my problem with the world?  It’s round and it has people on it.  If it were flat, all the Chinese would fall off. (Thank you, Firesign Theatre, for that line)

Life is good.  I am not.  That would explain the whole unemployed thing.  Dammit.

Sending in all those resumes to all those job sites for them to print out, read, and then throw out is just my way of making sure employers all over New York City have enough paper to fill their trash baskets, so housekeeping can keep their jobs.  Someone has to keep the legal immigrants of New York City employed, why not me?

I’ll get a job that I love someday.  I’ll be able to retire comfortably someday.  No worries at all on that front.

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That’s it from me.  Go to sleep, America.  And play that song in the viddy one more time before you go to sleep.  It’ll put you in the right mood for some beautiful dreams.  Trust Das Rhino.  G’night.

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