Manhattan Sucks


I moved to New York City for my health.  I’m paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified.

Anita Weiss

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Today was my first day back on the Temp job in Manhattan since being laid off in June.  It was the first time since then that I have had to go to Manhattan, and I have to tell you, all you Manhattan loving people.

You are a bunch of morons.  Rubbing my face in a thorn bush sounds like a more enjoyable thing to do than travelling to Manhattan.  The place sucks.  It absolutely sucks. 

 There is garbage everywhere.  The people are obnoxious, rude, and stupid.  There are people who look and smell like monkeys with glandular imbalances and hormonal defects, and those are the executives who run the friggin place.  They are ugly, even the pretty ones are ugly, and they smell funny.  The place smells funny.  The WHOLE place smells funny.  Not one inch of the place has anything nice in it.

OK… I take that back.  Madison Square Garden during a Rangers game is nice. 

Central park is kinda sorta nice, it’d be nicer if it had about a million less people in it.  And less asphalt trails.  It might then resemble an actual park.

I think they have A nice book store. 

One.  And it isn’t a big chain store either, as I recall.

Back to the rant.

There are people who live there who talk of living in apartments the size of shoe-boxes that cost $3000 a month and up, and they speak like they are proud of living like fucking rats like that, and paying through the nose to do it! 

The subways are jammed all the damn time. You may hear people talk from time to time about the Subway system, tell you how good it is.  Bullshit.  Anyone with three working brain cells would tell you that being stuck in a subway car with 200 of the smelliest people on earth, who seem to want to make sure you smell them by shoving their armpits in random strangers faces, and then looking at them funny is good needs to be neutered, because people that stupid should not be allowed to breed.

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There is a new billboard up in  Times Square.   It keeps an up to the minute count of gun crimes in New York.  Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.

David Letterman

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If it wasn’t for the Rangers and Knicks giving occasional hope to the locals, the place would have been burned down years ago. Hyperbole, yes, but MY hyperbole, and dammit I like it.

Some people say that it’s gotten nice and clean, but those are just tourists in touristy places, complaining about someplace they never knew, or thought they did, but didn’t.  More hyperbole.  Gotta problem with that?

Still, with all that said, I want to go back.  Why? Well first off, I am barking mad, much like most people whose lives are touched by that evil fucking place.  The place makes you crazy.  

Second, It doesn’t pay enough to work on Staten Island, and anywhere that isn’t Manhattan is too far to commute and doesn’t pay enough. You can’t pay for an apartment and bills and all that this shitty planet makes necessary on the money you would make working at Dunkin Fuckin Donuts.  

Third, I have met a lot of good people who feel the same way I do working there.  No one I have ever liked lives there, but plenty of good people work there.

Yes I know 9/11 is coming up.  Those asshole terrorists blew up our World Trade Center.  Killed my friends, and thousands of others to boot.  That doesn’t mean I have to love the place.  Manhattan was a shit hole before 9/11 and it still is a shit hole.  If I wasn’t anchored to this area because of debt and poverty, I would have left years ago.  If I hit the lottery I am out. 

Life must be better in Colorado.   Or Northern Canada.  Or Sweden.  Or Mars.

Imagine the joy of not just trying to find a full time job in a place I love so much, but a career!

JOY!  Luckily for me I get to work my frustrations out with a hammer and other such joyful tools, or I would be REALLY unhappy!

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G’night America!

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2 thoughts on “Manhattan Sucks

  1. LOL.

    It’s F$%^#$^* wonderful Ed! Just walking around all day singing “New York State of Mind” at this point in my life, as you can tell. 😛

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