The Mirror Stares Back Hard


I am more and more convinced that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.

Wilhelm von Humboldt

_________________________________________

I have looked for work, sent in a few hundred resumes to I could not tell you how many different companies all over the city of New York, and the surrounding areas.  I have called a great many places looking for a job, and what have I found?

Nothing. 

For years I worked hard, and made a pittance, never complained, busted my ass, gave everything I had, paid dues, did other peoples work, without a complaint, hell, I smiled as I did it, not because I was happy to do their work, but because I love hard work.  Some people are built for toil, and I am one of them. 

But I sit idle.

I paid for years into the system, paid my way, more than my fair share.  Paid social security, federal state and city tax, paid into unemployment, and for a long time I have reaped the benefits of that.  Especially lately, when I have been most in need I have collected unemployment.  For some reason the unemployment didn’t pay me last week.  I cannot contact them because it isn’t open on weekends, so I get to call them tomorrow to find out what the hell happened.

I can guess.

The last place I worked for told them the New York State Department of Labor that they hadn’t heard of me.  This despite the fact that when I first went to sign up for unemployment, the NYSDOL had that company, which will remain nameless,  listed as one of my employers.  They asked me to send in proof that I worked there, copies of pay stubs.  Which I sent in, the day I received that letter.  I didn’t hear anything back.  Got paid the week after which was two weeks ago, but last week no money. 

I don’t blame the system.  I don’t blame Obama, or the Democrats.  I don’t blame  that idiot McConnell, or the Republicans. Any politics here is silly.  I blame myself, without me losing the copy center supervisor job in 2009, this doesn’t happen, any of it.  I don’t have to depend on a system like this without my own actions making all this possible.

The mirror stares back hard these days.

I have bills.  I also have $28 bucks left in the bank, and no money coming in, and my wife has no money until next week.  No job prospects, but still I’m looking, I just sent in another resume, this time to a staffing firm who say they need people stat.  I sent them one last week, but heard nothing.

The Kicker here?  I am due to start with that nameless company as a temp for a few more months starting in September, and I have to call them tomorrow.  That ought to be a fun call, and not just a little schizophrenic, at least on my end.

I cannot express to you, America, how unhappy, how frustrated I am at the turn of events in my life.  I have tried everything I can think of to get things rolling. 

First training, then instinct, then hope, then nothing. 

Training? Work the resume, be professional, look good (or as good as I can look), be positive, look them in the eye.  Be patient. Did me no good.

Instinct?  Send the resume to people and places that at first glance who might not seem the best fit, but somehow just feels right.  Do the whole  “be professional, look good, smile” thing.  Be patient.  Did me no good.

Hope? Just like it sounds, pick any old job posting, and hope it works.  Still professional, but feeling ragged, try not to let that show.  Did me no good.

And that leaves me with nothing.

I’m broke, dead in the water, no prospects, no money, not even unemployment coming in.  At least I have a wife who loves me and has unyielding faith that it’ll work out in the end.

Dammit. I don’t want to let her down, but if I don’t get a break somewhere, how can I not? If it were just me, I wouldn’t sweat it so much…

We’ve survived worse, We’ll  survive this just fine, but this jobless penniless crap is a damnably inconvenient pain in the ass.

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