Blessings may appear under the shape of pains, losses, and disappointments; but let him have patience, and he will see them in their proper figures.
As I slowly get old I have begun to notice a few things about myself that have changed since I was a kid… err… younger anyway. The slow increase of dull pain that sits in my knees and feet, that cause me to grunt and groan whenever I get up or sit down. The occasional loss of words (“Hon, could you get me that thing?” “What thing?” “You know, that thing, in there!” What thing in where?“… THAT THING OVE….oh never mind, I’ll get the damn thing myself” “What thing? ” “You Know! That thing! With the stuff!!!” “I’d be able to help you if I knew what you were talking about!” “Man, I need ESL, because I apparently didn’t learn English right the first time.”) that happens in mid conversation happens more now than it used to. Patience disappearing.
Patience. It is something I pride myself in having, much more so than anyone. I waited 13 years to marry my wife, and I don’t remember how many years just to meet her. Waited patiently, for 9 long years at a crap job that I hated, just to get a supervisory position. I have waited months for things to move the right way for my bankruptcy proceeding. But that patience, that legendary patience of mine, is beginning to disappear, at least in some places.
I go places with my wife and get angst ridden if we are there 20 minutes more than I thought we were going to be. I buy books, planning to read, and get impatient waiting for plots to develop, or points to be made, and give up on them, and get other books and the same thing happens again. I wait for more than 10 minutes for a ferry boat or 5 minutes for a train and I am ready to punch random strangers in the face.
But as you can see, that is less to do with actual patience, and more to do with being greedy with my time, but it has the same effect as losing patience. I have no problem equating one with the other. If I learned to be a bit more giving of myself in these or any other of a dozen odd other situations, things’d be alright, Ya know?
But it is entirely bad to be greedy with my time? It is mine, and there is only a finite amount of it, regardless of scope used to define finite, whether talking about my entire life, or of a single day matters not. I should have some time for me, should I not? I should also make time for other people, and for the world around me, that is obvious.
Or is it?
We each claim to make time for each other and for the world, and for the things in our lives, but how serious is that, how true is it? Do you make time for work, to use one example, for you, or for money, or for the people you work with, or for the friendships you have at work, or because you have bills, or because you have things you want and need and that is the only way to actually get them,or for some combination of those things, or all of those things?
It’s probably all of them. Admit it. The time you set aside for work isn’t for you, so you spend your time doing things you would much rather not do, for things that may or may not make your world a better and easier place to live in.
Dicey, that’s what I call that. But it does make you more patient than me, and that’s a good thing.
There are a great many unfinished, and quite possibly silly thoughts in here. Drop me a line if you spot one, and wanna talk about it.
Today’s viddy of the day: A “trailer” for a book that is a decade old. No Logo, by Naomi Klein:
Quote and Pic of the day: The most fortunate of us, in our journey through life, frequently meet with calamities and misfortunes which may greatly afflict us; and, to fortify our minds against the attacks of these calamities and misfortunes, should be one of the principal studies and endeavours of our lives.
Thomas Jefferson, 1763
Go to sleep America.