An Imaginary Conversation (Going Nowhere)

    Just two people who don’t exist talking here.  Let’s call them Bill and Ted, for no real reason…  🙂  , names here aren’t important. I’m just playing here.

Bill: Hey, Ted! What’s up?

Ted:  Not Much, Bill! what’s up with you? Why you looking so bummed?


B:  Nuttin, Been reading stuff online.

T: What stuff? (one eyebrow raised)

B: Dude, they’re gonna take our rights way!

T: Who? (slightly bemused look)

B: The government, man! Obama! (wide eyed)

T: I dunno…

B: I’m telling, ya!

T: Wait, what rights are they gonna take away from us?

B:  The right to bear arms and what not!

T:  The right to bare arms, dude? Ya mean I can’t wear my wife-beater no more? And what what not, ya nut? (smile)

B: Ted, your an Idiot, I’m talking about the right to carry and own guns and whatnot, bro!

T: And where’d ya here this again, dude?

B: Oh around and about. Online…the bar…

T: We still have a Constitution, don’t we bro?

B: Ya, but it ain’t worth the paper it’s written on.

T: I didn’t ask for an appraisal, dumbass, this ain’t antiques roadshow. (laughs) I’ll ask again, We still have a Constitution, don’t we?

B: (grim faced)Ted, your still an idiot.  People say were losing our rights.

T: Ya might be right, but if were losing something, do we get something back?

B: I dunno, bro.  It’s the end of the world, man, we gotta fight back.

T:  (exasperated look) Against what?

B: Tyranny dude, they’re totally gonna kill us!

T: Dude, you been drinking again? What the fcuk?

B: Oh you know it bro.

T: Jack Daniels oppressing you again, ya pussy? (laughing)

B: Fcuk off , Ted. (laughing)

T: So, I’m losing my right to whatnot, and to shoot people.  I don’t have any whatnot, and I don’t own a gun!

B: And you never will man! There gonna take everything man! Even yer wife’s ass!

T: They can have it. (laughing) And quit crying Bill.

B: Who’s crying?

T: You are, and no ones talking about this crap but you, dude.

B: No way! I told you I been reading shit online and hearing it at the bar!

T: Reading and hearing shit will clog up yer ears bro.  Didn’t you hear about the commies in government there, too?

B: (looking around) Ya!

T: And are there commies in government?

B: Ted, there all socialists! Bunch o’ fcuking commie bastards!

T: Bill, now who’s the idiot! Besides Vann Jones, there weren’t any, least none that I remember, and he resigned.  And no one there’s trying to take over all our business from us!

B: Vann’s just the tip of the Iceberg, and yer the idiot, Ted! Who owns GM, Ted, who owns Citibank?

T: Iceberg? Where the fcuk are we, the Titanic? (laughs) We own some of their stock, but the government’s selling when they can make a profit off of it, like the commies they are!

B: No one said they could buy it with my money!

T: Ya, they did!

B: Fcuk you, Ted! No Way!

T: Way! Signed into law, and you voted for the senator who voted for it, didn’t you?

B: Ted, I didn’t say they could, and I didn’t vote for that.

T: Nice non answer, dumbass.  And since when are you the king of America, Bill?

B: Since I turned 18, you dick, just like everyone else.  Voting puts us in charge!

T: Of what?

B:  Everything!

T: Everything? Me included?

B: Well (confused look)…not you dude! Not other peoples lives, bro!

T: So it’s not everything!

B: Our rights, it puts us in control of our right to do what we like! (big smile)

T: So I can kick you in the nuts if I like?

B: NO! You do that I’ll beat yer ass! (laughing)

T: In your dreams, superman! (laughing) So I can’t kick you in the nuts?

B: NO, dumbass!

T: But I thought you said I could do what I like?

B: Ya can, you just have to be reasonable, dude. 

T: So, who decides what’s reasonable?

B: All of us!

T:  Because we vote? Because of the constitution? Cause we said so?

B: Umm….

T: Bill, listen.  If you have control over your life like you say you do, they can’t take it away from you, and if they can take it away from you, you never had control in the first place, so you’ve lost nothing. 

B: What? (confused)

T:  Bro, there are things people have the right to do. There are things they don’t have the right to do. Live and let live, right?

B: Ya!

T: People can be assholes sometimes though, right?

B: You can be a real asshole sometimes, so, Ya! (smile)

T: Funny.  Government can be a bunch of assholes just like people can be, right?

B: Right!

T: So if they do try to take something that’s ours, we fight for it, right?

B: Damn right!

T:  Has anyone actually tried to take your guns, bill? Besides hearing people be assholes, trying to scare you into believing your rights are being taken away? Anyone actually try to do anything?

B: No, but you can’t be too careful!

T: Gotta agree with ya there.  Government can be a real bunch of shit stains, but have you ever looked to see if they are actually trying to take your guns and whatnot away?

B: I heard the Brady campaign wants too… (Ted lifts hand to Bills face)

T: Hold up.  Who?

B: What’s with the hand? (looks at Ted funny)The Brady campaign! Bunch of as…

T: I was talking about government, is the Brady campaign government?

B: No…

T: Then fcuk’em. They’re free citizens, let’em talk. Common sense will win.

B: and they’ll lose.

T: Unless they make more sense than you, which seems likely, ya fat drunk! (laugh)

B: Fcuk off Ted!

T: Come to think of it, I HAVE heard of these people.  Didn’t they say the Prez was failing to do anything about guns or some shit like that?

B:  I dunno.

T:  I think they gave him a fail on it…

B: Ya sure?

T: I think so. If that’s the case, isn’t the whole gun thing you spoke about a bunch of shit?

B: No! They want to take our guns!

T: But if they aren’t actually doing anything… (Bill puts his hand to Ted’s face)

B:  They’re scheming, I can smell it!

T: Dude, the only thing that smells is your breath, ya drunk. 

B: Bite me. Listen, I gotta run. Catch ya later!

T: Yer running away just when it’s getting good, ya pussy!

B: If i was a pussy, you’d be eating me already, if you wanna talk more of this stupid bullshit we can talk later, I’m going home.

T: OK, pussy.  MEOW bitch!  (laughing)  Later!

B: Yer an asshole! (laughing, the two men shake hands shaking hands) Later!