2011 Irrelevant Resolutions

No philosophy that he had ever heard or read gave any reasonable purpose for man’s existence, nor any rational clue to his proper conduct. Basking in the sunshine might be as good a thing to do with one’s life as any other — but it was not for him and he knew it, even if he could not define how he knew it.

Robert Heinlein, Methuselah’s Children

______________________________

The year is nearly done.  That is a happy thing.  2010 sucked!  The Yankees didn’t win the World series..I don’t even remember who won, The Orioles? The Seattle Pilots? My uncle Fred? Sumthin like that.  The job market sucked ass.  I’m still not wealthy. 

My cats ass exploded.  Srsly.  Ask about it, I’ll give you an earful of my cats ass.  … on second thought, maybe not…

I think the time has come for 2011′s resolutions.  Seeing how I really didn’t nail any of the important resolutions I made last year, despite the fact that some of them were pretty damn easy, I don’t hold out much hope for really getting this list done either.  But like the evil bastards at the NY Lottery say, “Hey, Ya never know!” 

And if you like any of them, take them for your own, I won’t mind! 

_______________________________

Resolution #1:  Annoy complete strangers with various noxious body odors. 

Resolution #2:  Get a fucking job.

Resolution #3:  Keep that fucking job.

Resolution #4:  Get deeper in debt.  Most people want to be out of debt.  Most people also want their kids to be President, or make millions of dollars.  Nice to want things.  If I know I can’t get out, why not just sit tight and wallow in it? 

Resolution  #5:  Send John Boehner my resume, and write him a touching e-mail.  Then ask him where the jobs are.  I figure if he knows, maybe he can forward it to someone who’ll hire me.  Maybe it’ll make him cry.  That’d be nice. 

And if he can’t find me a job, screw him, he is fucking useless.

Resolution #6:  Wear a silly hat in public for no readily apparent reason. I may well mix this resolution with res. #1 to create an unforgettable experience for some poor bastard.

Resolution #7:  Record a song that I’ve written.  Send it to someone at a record company.  Cross fingers. 

Resolution #8:  Fix the political rift in this great nation, bringing together America’s left and right, so we can stand together and be one nation, united.  Barring that, make America a better place by pointing out that both sides of the political aisle have faults, and that no side has all the answers.  Barring that, tell that drunk glib fraud Beck to go fuck himself.

Resolution #9:  Run.  A lot.  Run fast.  Run long.  Run 20+ miles at least once. 

Resolution #10:  Read the Koran, in an effort to find out why all these nut jobs keep tying bombs to their assholes and blowing them off and taking unsuspecting people along with them.  Assholes.

Resolution #11:  Call my Representative.  Tell him he is a shithead. 

Resolution #12:  Stop climate change.  If that isn’t happening, help the people who are helping to do that.  If that doesn’t happen, at the very least shut one self proclaimed climate change denier the hell up.  And if it turns out there is no climate change, start it the hell up. 

Resolution #13:  Be grumpier every day. 

Resolution #14:  Write for money.  I know, I know.  I said that last year, and it didn’t didn’t work out.  Despite the fact that I applied for a number of  jobs as a writer, I could not land a single one.  That may be because I sent resumes at the wrong time, or  the positions were filled, but probably because I suck.  But that’s OK, plenty of other writers suck. Just read redstate.com, or Mediaite.  They are ALL shitty writers, and they make money writing, why can’t I?

Resolution#15:  If I can’t make money writing, or get a job making copies or being a mover, or make money playing guitar, go be a dishwasher or something.  Any job is better than no job. Can you tell I obsess over money?  Maybe I should stop that.  Hmmm….

Resolution #16:   Stop obsessing over money.

Resolution #17:  Stop obsessing over money.

Resolution #18:  Stop obsessing over money.

Resolution #19:  Stop repeating myself unnecessarily, and stop obsessing over money, by becoming obsessed with something else entirely, like cheddar cheese, or knuckle push-ups, or farting in public.

Resolution #20: Do something radically insane, like jump out of an airplane, or base jump.  I think I’ll make sure I have a parachute or an umbrella or some such handy for that, otherwise I just might end up sticking the landing. 

Plus, I really don’t look good in red.

________________________________

That’s it from here, America!  Happy New Year!

2010: Stuff That Did Not Suck

At each stage I reach a balance, a conclusion. At the next sitting, if I find that there is a weakness in the whole, I make my way back into the picture by means of the weakness — I re-enter through the breach — and I reconceive the whole. Thus everything becomes fluid again.

Henri Matisse

__________________________________

2010 wasn’t just Republicans, big business making tons of money and then not hiring anyone, high prices, low standards, smelly bastards and pushy bitches on the 6 train, and my inability to run 1500 miles during a very mild year with lots of time to myself pissing me off.  It was also a pretty damn good year, for a number of reasons.

First up on the political front, it wasn’t just a good year for the Republicans.  The strong left wing of America passed some very potent positive legislation that will help a great many people.  Credit card reform, Health care reform, the repeal of DADT, Tobacco regulation, the hate crime prevention act, and, of course, Wall street reform.  This president got a lot done, a lot of good done, and even though he will probably have a helluva worse time with Boehner the complainer running the House of Representatives, and a smaller majority in the Senate, if his victories late in the year are any indication, he really does know how to work across the aisle and get things done.  Looking forward to the next year’s legislative activity.  Should be interesting.

In other political news, We got to have fun with America’s newest idiot carnival, the Tea party candidates.  Now, there was one real winner for them, Rand Paul, can’t name another to be honest, but stupid the kid, AKA  Christine O’Donnell was just a blast to watch.  She is a former marketing exec., and that ought to tell you everything you need to know about the ex-witch.  That witch line was precious, it was a beaut.  The whole investigation into her campaign fund usage promises to make 2011 an interesting one for everyone. 

She’s an entertaining idiot. But not the only one. 

Sharron Angle was almost as interesting, with her second amendment remedies and hatred of… well… everyone.  Sharron wanted to disband the dept. of Education, wanted Soc. Sec. transitioned out, wants the U.S out of the U.N., proudly stated that she had tried to, as a state legislator, remove the legal mandate that insurance companies cover mammograms and colonoscopies, and then said she never did it after Harry Reid pointed out her statements, and claimed that Sharia law had taken hold in Dearborn friggin Michigan and some one horse town in Texas.

Now what do you get if you take Sharron Angle and add a penis and some shit stained boots? You get Ken “dumb fuck” Buck, that’s what!!  He even did Sharron one better, wanting to privatize the VA.   Man.  That lost him the election… that and the fact that he talked shit about the tea party when he thought no one was looking, and was shown to be entirely unethical when he was the Weld county D.A.

It does suck that we by and large don’t have these dime store putzes to kick around anymore.  Luckily for us though, there is a presidential election coming up in a mere 22 months.  The loons will be crawling out of the woodwork to entertain us soon enough.  

______________________________________

Viddy of the day Part I:  Ken Buck tried his best to sell Colorado some kinda crap.  They didn’t buy it.  Smart people.  Here is an ad showing his views, in his words. 

 

______________________________________

Viddy of the day, Part II:  Metallica, secret show.  Metallica put out an Album this year.  You may not have heard of it.  I have.  It was from a live show they did in a bar in Nashville 2 years.  This is a viddy from it.  Not the best quality, but so fucking what?  Harvester of Sorrow/Frayed ends of Sanity/fucking around, from Live at Grimey’s.

You’re welcome.

______________________________________

On the work front, while I still don’t have a full time regular job, I did perhaps the hardest and most satisfying work of my life at Sotheby’s.  I got the first real sniff of what a union is like, temping there.  Man, I tell ya, a guy could get used to that kinda work.  Absolutely busted my ass, and had a ball doing it.  From mid March to mid November, I went to the upper westside of Manhattan and did a great deal of stinking, sweating, and throwing my weight around.  I’d never had a job where I could really do that.  It was fun.  I hope they call me back and make me permanent.  That would be the top moment of 2011, I tell you that.

On the sweat front, I really busted my ass this year.  I did not reach my goal of 1500 miles on the year, because of the snowstorm on the 26th, but I ran more this year than any other, and I pushed farther and was fast much of the way.   Hurt myself in a few places, but nothing earth shattering.  I ran perhaps the race of my life on Memorial day.  I hadn’t been running fast before that race, and still managed to pull a sub 7 minute mile average for the race.  After running the first mile in 8:30.  THAT was the 2nd biggest running event of my year.  The first?  From Thanksgiving to Christmas I ran nearly 200 miles, most of those runs being long. I averaged 8 miles per run during that span.  That is around 2 miles more per run than I had run for any significant amount of time.  Ever.

That felt good.

_______________________________________

That’s it from here America.  I’ll write y’all tomorrow.

Lesson 11 – 12 Notes: The Double Harmonic Major Scale

This was originally posted on ”12 notes”, a page on this website dedicated to guitar music and lessons.  So, for the more musically inclined, here is my eleventh guitar lesson to you:   The double harmonic major scale.  If you run into any problems, drop me a line and let me know, and thanks for reading!

Enjoy!

_____________________________________

Lesson 11:  The Double Harmonic Major scale, aka the Arabic or Byzantine scale.  I love using this scale, it is really a ton of fun to play with, especially when I’ve had just about enough of standard sounding playing.  For those who don’t know this scale, every note in the double Harmonic scale in the key of E is below.

-0 -1 -4 -5 -7 -8 -11 -12 -13 -16 -17 -19 -20 -23 -
-0 -1 -4 -5 -6 -9 -10 -12 -13 -16 -17 -18 -21 -22 -
-1 -2 -4 -5 -8 -9 -10 -13 -14 -16 -17 -20 -21 -22 -
-1 -2 -3 -6 -7 -9 -10 -13 -14 -15 -18 -19 -21 -22 -
-0 -2 -3 -6 -7 -8 -11 -12 -14 -15 -18 -19 -20 -23 -
-0 -1 -4 -5 -7 -8- 11 -12 -13 -16 -17 -19 -20 -23 -

As you can see from the above fretboard map, there are some very conventional sounding chords that can be used within the context of this exotic scale.  Fifth chords, major chords, minor chords.  That isn’t a surprise, and shouldn’t be.

In the Key of E Major, the notes are E, F#, G#, A, B, C#,  and D#  In double harmonic Major the notes are E, F, G#, A, B, C, and D#.  The reason it sounds so exotic is, in part,  the intervals.

You do not for example, in standard scales, normally run into 3 notes in a row without one of them having a whole tone interval between them.  You do here.  The seventh, root, and second notes have no whole tone separation between any of them.  On top of that, the flat second followed by the major third and flat sixth followed by the major seventh makes for a separation called an augmented second.

But enough theory for the moment.  Let’s play a few notes.  Basic stuff here.  I am actually going to take what is ostensibly an  “exotic” scale, and make it sound more conventional. When playing this, it sounds best when you slide using your index finger from the fourth fret to the eighth fret on the third string, and again from the tenth to the twelfth fret on the second string.

- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -12 – – -
- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -10 -12 – – – – – – – -
-9 – – – – -9 – – – – – – 10- – – – – -10 – – – – – – – – – – – -4 -8 – – – – – – – – – -9 – – – – – – – -
- – – -6 – – – – – -6 – – – – – – – 7- - – – – – -7 – – – – – 7- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -
- -7 – – – – – -7 – – – – – – -0 – – – – – -0 – – – -0 -8 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -
-0 – – – – -0 – – – – – -8 – – – – – – -8 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -

As witnessed above, this scale can sound tame, but I touched on a bit of the exotic sound of the scale.  Let’s explore the scale a bit more.  This time let’s take advantage of the more esoteric nature of the scale.  After the opening A, there is a series of major thirds, starting with the fifth tone of the E double harmonic scale.  That  E-F-E  on the high E string should be played as a trill.

- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -12 -12 -13 -12 -11 – – – – – – – – – – – – -
- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – 13- 10- 9- 12- – – -
- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -
- – – – -1 – – – 2- - – – – – – 6- – – -7 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -
-0 -2 – – -2 – – -3 -0 -7 – – -7 – – – 8- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -
- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -

- – – – – – – -12 -13 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -
- – – – -10 – – – – – – -13 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -
-0 -9 – – – – – – – – – – – – -14 -13 -9 – – -9 -9 – – -9 – 8 -5 – – – – – -9 – – – – – – – -
- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -9 -10 – -7 -6 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -
- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -8 – – – – – -7 – – – – – – – – -
- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -0 – – – – – – – -

There is nothing but fun playing with the double harmonic.   I use variations of this riff all the time when I want to get away from the standard sound of the major scale.

______________________________________________________

I hope this lesson treats you well, one and all.  I think I may have to touch on this again, simply because I don’t feel like I’ve done the possibilities of this scale any real justice here.  And as always, if you have any questions or issues about this or any column, feel free to drop me a line.

World News Daily Gets It Wrong Yet Again, The Morons

We are drowning in information, while starving for wisdom. The world henceforth will be run by synthesizers, people able to put together the right information at the right time, think critically about it, and make important choices wisely.

E.O. Wilson, On Human Nature

________________________________

Viddy of the day:  A native American news piece from the Tribal nations conference. 

_______________________________

Let’s have some fun with one bit of the Right wing media machine, trying it’s best to spin a non issue into a major problem, making a mountain out of a mole hill.   I rooted around for some news to read today while taking a break from looking for work and found a doozy.  The headline caught my eye immediately, and seeing the news source made me giggle with anticipation.  The headline was this:

OBAMA TO GIVE MANHATTAN BACK TO NATIVE AMERICANS?

I roared with laughter at this alleged story from WND.  These people are idiots.  The story goes like this:  A claim that the United States, by backing a non binding resolution on indigenous peoples, will somehow mean that the president will now give large swaths of land owned by the biggest names in business back to native Americans.  Patently ridiculous. 

In the article, the kids at Warped Newts daily make a few claims that are at once disingenuous and silly.  They claim that the non binding resolution would compel the U.S. to ensure that state owned media reflect  indigenous cultural diversity.  What it actually says is that indigenous peoples should have the right to have their own broadcasts in their languages.

 They claim that the non binding resolution “shall give legal recognition and protection to these lands, territories and resources” which were once owned by indigenous people.  The language they missed, the important stuff is “resources that they possess by reason of traditional ownership or other traditional occupation or use, as well as those which they have otherwise acquired.”  Not lands that are now occupied by others.  Lands they currently possess.

It’s like they can’t friggin read or something.  Or worse, they, like drug addicts, choose to bend reality to suit their own warped wishes.

But the best bit the fact that the kids at Weak Neurotics Daily (They are idiots, and I like calling them names.  So what?) is that they claim that the President will enact all the above.  Did they not get the memo that this is a NON BINDING RESOLUTION?  Sure he’s friendly with them, they are good people who have had many wrongs done to them, that doesn’t mean he’s going to hand them the keys to the kingdom, for criminy sakes.

Do these people forget we have laws, a constitution?  They must have to come up with this weak tripe. 

To read the actual non-binding agreement that started the paranoid ranting from the kids at Weird News Daily, click here. 

One of these days, reality will show up at WND.  I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for it to happen with those morons, though.

________________________________

 A fresh 12 notes tomorrow, methinks.  Go to sleep, tomorrow’s a big day, America.

2010: The Year In Employment

I have had perhaps my least productive year on earth this year.  I have probably made less money this year than any since the mid 90′s.  I have worked tirelessly looking for work. 

A few examples of how the job search has gone this year.

____________________________________

The somewhat less than great news:

Since I was laid off from Sotheby’s on November 12th, I have easily sent in over 100 resumes, contacted several agencies, Spherion being the latest, though how legitimate they are I know not, they haven’t contacted me back yet. 

There's a job for me, somewhere over there...

Called the people at Ricoh to see if they had anything.  Yes, they said.  I said “GREAT!” They said it was in Valhalla New York, a 3 hour commute, and it would pay…not much.  They rescinded their offer to me, and in truth I acquiesced fairly easily.  It would have cost a ton of money, taken hours to get in, and paid me less than I was making 7 years ago. 

I would have ended up making less than I did at Sotheby’s after taxes and medical coverage and commute costs, and I made as much at Sotheby’s as I did when I was a drunk living at home with my parents in the mid 90′s.  Which wasn’t enough to pay the bills then. They are still looking for a spot for me in New York City.  Hope something comes up soon, nothing yet though.

Had an interview at a major white shoes law firm, whose name I will not mention, for the same position I had when I was at Davis Polk.  They said they liked me, and would call me back.  They never did.  The agency I got that particular interview with never called me back, either.  I called them, several times,  and dropped a few e-mails there way.  Nothing.  And there was supposed to be another interview they had set up for me in a different position at a different place which went the way of the dodo.

I thought I did well in that interview, too.  Must have been bad enough where neither party wanted anything to do with me.  Dammit.

__________________________________

Viddy of the day:  A viddy showing common mistakes in interviews from the people at the HR in Motion consulting group.  I’m good with everything here, as far as I can tell.  It’s good to hear this stuff, even if you think you are good at interviewing, to fine tune your approach to the fine art of the interview.

_________________________________

Every individual should have the opportunity to develop the gifts which may be latent in him. Alone in that way can the individual obtain the satisfaction to which he is justly entitled; and alone in that way can the community achieve its richest flowering. For everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom.

Albert Einstein

_________________________________

The Nothing:

Document technologies was a nice enough place.  I sent them a resume, and they told me they liked what they saw.  They had a number of jobs I qualified for, so I put in for several of them. The jobs they had that I put in for were filled by other people.  I didn’t get so much as a phone call.  Nothing.

I just a few minutes ago put in for 3 more jobs with them, hoping for a different conclusion this time.  Fingers crossed.

I worked with Semper, an agency, for a while.  Interviewed with them twice.  They said they had stuff for me, helped me with my resume, which was nice.  Called them back, left messages.  Nothing.

Used another agency called Vanguard in February and March.  Nothing. 

Several other agencies.  Craigslist.  Careerbuilder.  Hotjobs.  Mikeroweworks.  Called various places associated with Teamsters 814.   Nothing.

As I write this, I have sent out 7 resumes through careerbuilder so far today, and one through simplyhired.com, and the three I sent to document technologies.  Combing through craigslist at the moment.  There was a big fat zero on Craigslist for copy operator jobs.  Art handler jobs?  All the ones listed, you need several years experience, and a drivers license.  I don’t drive(dammit).  General labor jobs? I don’t speak Spanish, don’t know how to install security systems in cars, have no experience as an executive secretary(I don’t have the tits for it), and am not a licensed exterminator or plumber.  Take off all the filters and see what they have?  Restaurant manager? Driver?  Account executive? Electrical estimator?

Nothing.  Dammit. 

__________________________________

Unemployment:

I went through two stints on unemployment.  I hit the 52 week limit on my first stint on unemployment the week of March 15th this year, would have had to re-up, but  I started at Sotheby’s that day.  Luck. Pure luck.  Sotheby’s laid all the temps off on June 22nd.  Started a second stint on Unemployment then.  Had an issue with unemployment, but it was quickly resolved.  Went back to Sotheby’s in September, and off of unemployment.  When I was laid off for good Nov. 12th, I jumped back on. Thought I’d have to start a fresh claim.  I didn’t.  This claim is good until June next year.

The New York unemployment office.  They are the only reason I am not now living with my wife at either her or my parents house, or homeless.  That is sad, but that is life.  I busted my ass for over 2 decades at a variety of places.  Now that I seem to be unhireable, at least for the moment, they are what is keeping me, and my wife, alive.

She works, but she, because she works at home, she barely makes enough to pay her bills, so I can’t expect much help there, but she helps whenever and wherever she can.  

Being unemployed feels like constant failure, spread out over time. I want a job, and I will not stop looking until I get one.

___________________________________

I did actual work:

But there was good news.  I did mention it in passing above.  Sotheby’s.  From March 15th to November 12th, I was an art handler at Sotheby’s.  I busted my ASS there.  It was GREAT.  I’ve never had a job where I had so much actual honest to bob job satisfaction. 

I broke a sweat.  I strained. I lifted.  I pushed.  I smiled.  A lot.  There were a boatload of great people there, if I had the space here I would tell a tale or two about a few of the more colorful characters that work there.  There are a number of people there that I actually miss.  I don’t know that there is any other job site that I can say that about.  There were a few at DPW.  A few people over a span of 13 years, from 1996 to 2009.  Sotheby’s? Dunno that there were more than 2 or 3 people I didn’t like. From me, the surly curmudgeon that I am, that is saying something.

And the work was good, honest, hard work.  Moving walls, called elephants, ten feet tall, 8 feet long, two feet thick, heavy as hell. Even the light ones, with carpet, not sheetrock on’em, were heavy.  Tossing those things around was fun.  Remember pulling one out of the service elevator so fast the girl on the back end was actually feet off of the ground flying in the air behind this thing. I didn’t mean to do that to her.  Poor kid.  Apologized profusely, she was OK tho, that being the important thing.

It was funny.

Pedestals.  36″ x 20″ x 20″.  Wooden.  50, 60 pounds.  There were bigger and heavier as well. 

Wall dollies,  metal, about 40 – 50 pounds each.  

They HATED the way I moved those things.  Most times you would have two people at a time moving these things.  I moved them solo, just to do it.  They said I made them look bad, tried their best to get me to stop.  Which I did on occasion, to make’em happy.  But when they weren’t looking, or they were so busy they needed the stuff done fast, I could toss them around as I pleased.  Wall dollies I moved two at a time, lifted like a straight legged dead lift.  People told me I’d hurt my lower back.  I giggled, and did it anyway.  My lower back is strong.

There was a reason the temps called the place “Club Sotheby’s”.  It wasn’t an art auction house for us,  it was a gym.

There is still a chance I could get hired on there. 

I hope so.  I’m waiting for that phone call. For ANY phone call. 

I need a job.  I’ve set out 11 resumes today, in hopes of landing one this week.

__________________________________

All I want is a chance.  Is that too much to ask?

That’s it for now America.  I’ll write to you later.